‘Have you heard?’
‘Any news yet?’
‘Let me know as soon as you hear!’
How many times have you sent a message similar to these whilst waiting to hear the outcome of an audition? Personally I have sent far too many over the years. Desperate to know what’s happening, secretly hoping that you get a ‘no nothing yet’ so you feel like you still have a chance. And then comes the pleading emails to your agent, bugging them like an irritant fly buzzing around their office.
Yes, I have this scenario well rehearsed. In fact, it’s worthy of an award. But the other day it hit me like a ton of bricks, every time I reached out for reassurance I was adding more and more resistance to manifesting my desires. It couldn’t have been any clearer.
Last week I had built enough momentum to receive 8 auditions in 10 days. For a long time I have held a belief that getting an acting job involved struggle and disappointment so I was so grateful to acknowledge that I had raised my vibration way beyond this belief. The flow was electric, I felt alive, creative and excited. In every audition I felt present, in flow and closer to my true authentic self. I loved it.
The shows that I was auditioning for were also very deliberate. One I had worked on for 10 months a few years ago and the other falls into the category of being a ‘dream show’. It was really no coincidence to me that I had attracted both of them into my experience. In fact there were many events surrounding the ‘dream show’ that unfolded effortlessly onto my path, it felt clear that I was apart of the creation.
Prior to the auditions I truly believed that this was it. I felt like I ticked all the boxes, it was a no brainer that I would be cast in the show. I could imagine myself in the show, the thought of it excited me. It filled me with clarity and purpose. You know that sensation when you feel like your chest is going to explode? I even went to see the show just before the audition which helped my imagination run wild. I remember feeling on such a come down the next day because I’m sure that I experienced vibrationally how it would feel to be in the show the day before.
So I’m sure that you can guess the outcome: I didn’t get it. Well, what went wrong? I didn’t get out of the way in order to let the universe deliver my desire. I didn’t get off of the subject, I was adding layers and layers of resistance with every conversation I was having about it.
I thought at the time that by constantly talking about what I thought was coming my way with those close to me that I was helping myself focus on my desire. But it comes back to that analogy of planting your vegetables then stamping on them and not allowing them the space to grow. I was stamping and stamping hard! What also is interesting is the fact that I felt the need to talk about it, surely if I truly believed that it was mine then there would be no need to discuss it. I was looking for reassurance that I was worthy of the job and confirmation that I wasn’t being foolish. Although those close to me have my best interests at heart only I can know how close I am to becoming a vibrational match to my desire. Oh the relief when I worked that one out was euphoric!
I also discovered that going general rather than focusing on specifics is way more productive. It’s so easy to pin all your hopes and dreams on one show but I feel that by adding specifics you’re adding resistance. What am I hoping to achieve vibrationally by being cast in a show? How will it make me feel? Am I experiencing that joy now?
It would have been so easy to fall into a pit of misery at the start of the week when I had two ‘no’s’ in succession. Well no thank you! Everything that I am experiencing is an exact match to what I am offering vibrationally. All it takes is some fine tuning to the frequency that I am offering and then I intend to get off of the subject! Relax and enjoy the expansion. I am exactly where I intended to be.